Here comes the guilt
by Last.one.02
Summary: In year 2010 passes 5 years from Kate's death and 2 years from Jenny's death. They both have a visitor in their grave and 2 people to feel guilty. The main topic on this story is guilt. Read and review.
1. Visiting Jenny

20th May 2010

Anthony DiNozzo was sitting in cemetery next to tombstone with a name Jenny Shepard. It has been 2 years since he was out of his game. His mission was to protect Jenny, but he let her go away and then she was murdered. And he was too late, with Ziva of course. He had beaten himself up after this, he was the blame for the death. So he was in her grave, with Phaleonopsis orchids. The same flowers, which were on her desk, when she offered him a promotion. His own team in Roca. With Vance there is no way, that he was going to get a chance like this, Jenny was right after all – A promotion like this won't come up in a long time. It hasn't come for 2 years at least.

'' I'm sorry Jenny, I should have had your six, but I didn't. I know it was your order for me and Ziva to keep away, but we should have stack with you. I was on duty to protect you, the director of NCIS, who I personally like more than Vance. The one who took your office after you left this world. To say between us, you had the spark with Jethro, Ziva, Abby, Ducky and me of course. McGee too, but he seems to get along with Vance too, maybe even better than he did with you, but he is the Probie also. You know, nothing has changed that much, but the same nothing has remained the same after these years. There are times, when I almost say something about our missions, or think what you would say to Jethro for his acts. I miss the way we all got along, true I might miss also the time when I was in charge and you were my boss. Yeah, I miss that too, I miss bossing Ziva and McGee of course. But a year ago I got one case on lead again, because there was rule 38. Your case, you're lead. I got to boss Jethro around, I guess that felt good, a little different. Now I got why you took this job, just to boss him around, that would be a good reason for me. Oh damn it, Gibbs will kill me. My lunch break was way too long. Okay, I miss you and I still feel like I let you down and hope you are better somewhere there, no I gotta go before Gibbs murders me, '' Tony said. He dropped the flowers and left almost running.

The day in NCIS was like any day. They had a case, they had their killer. Just like every day, every case. Just like it wasn't anything special, but it was. It was the day when Jenny was murdered, only 2 years later.


	2. Visiting Kate

24th May 2010

Leroy Jethro Gibbs walked up on cemetery to find the tombstone with a name Caitlin Todd on it. It was 5 years today, when Ari shot her on rooftop. Gibbs was still feeling the guilt of not protecting her. She died because of him. Now, 5 years later the team has a new member Ziva David, whose half-brother Ari Haswari was the dirtbag, who killed Kate. Later Ziva killed him, and after that joined the NCIS team. She seemed to fit into nicely, but she could never replace Kate. No-one else could get along with Tony the way she did, and also Abby took her into much faster than Ziva and probably there are still some things she would say to Kate and not Ziva. Gibbs had roses in his hand as he fell on knees.

'' Kate, it has been a long time. 5 years is a very long time. A lot has happened since. During the past 7 years, NCIS had lost 2 women, both very dear to me and also close to my team. First person were you Kate, I knew you for 2 years, but I thought very good about you, I am so sorry for the way it all ended, you know sometimes I still blame myself, you died protecting me. After your death, we got 2 new members, Ziva David and Jenny Shepard. Ziva is Ari's half-sister, but she is nothing like Ari. She is okay, but she is nothing like you. Jen is the other new member. Apparently she is dead too. I knew her for a long time and Ziva knew her too, but Tony and McGee got to know her, Jen was the new director. Now we have Leon Vance in that position, he is a jerk, though I don't have so many problems with him, neither has McGee, but the guy hates Tony, I think. Um... the life goes on, I guess, it took time for Tony to be okay, but he is okay I think. Well, I am okay too I think. But we still miss you, at least I do and Tony seems to miss you a lot too. I think he will be visiting you soon, and I am pretty sure Abby will come too, about McGee I am not that sure. But I think there is something wrong with Tony, because 5 days ago he stayed late for lunch. Too late for him and he had his lunch in office, I have no idea what he could have been doing that day. He also seemed to be a little low that day. Don't know what's wrong with that guy. And today I am the one being late, but I promise to slap Tony as hard as I can if he doesn't come to see you, he was the one for you after all. But I gotta run now, I'll be here one day again, soon, '' Gibbs said. He put roses on the grave and then rose, and walked away, slowly.

The day in NCIS seemed usual, as every day. No-one beside Gibbs and Abby too, seemed to be upset, sad or anything other than usual. Like a normal day in NCIS, solving crimes and getting the bastards. Like nothing had happened 5 years ago


	3. Guilt

26th of May

It was a late night in NCIS, Ziva and McGee had left already and Vance said goodbye a long time ago. Gibbs and Tony were doing paperwork behind their desks.

'' Hey Tony, where were you on 20th ? You took a long lunch, but ate in office, '' Gibbs asked.

'' I think you know where I was, '' Tony said.

'' I don't. I would have understood if you stayed longer on 25th, but there is nothing like that on 20th, '' Gibbs said.

'' What was on 25th ? '' Tony asked.

'' What was on 20th ? '' Gibbs asked.

'' I asked you first, '' Tony said.

'' Kate died on 25th May in year 2005. It means that 5 years passed yesterday from her death, '' Gibbs said.

'' On 20th May passed 2 years from Jenny's death, '' Tony said.

'' You forgot Kate's death day ? '' Gibbs asked.

'' You forgot Jen's, '' Tony said.

'' Holy, '' Gibbs said.

'' Yeah, '' Tony said.

'' How could I forget Jenny ? '' Gibbs asked himself.

'' How could I forget Kate ? '' Tony asked himself.

'' What the hell is wrong with us ? '' Gibbs asked.

'' I loved Kate, you loved Jenny, '' Tony said and Gibbs gave him the look.

'' And you forgot Kate and I forgot Jen, '' Gibbs said.

'' It has been so long already. 5 years since I lost Kate, '' Tony said.

'' 2 years since I lost Jen, '' Gibbs said.

'' You feel any guilt ? '' Tony asked Gibbs.

Gibbs looked up. Stood up and took his chair. He sat down across Tony's desk.

'' Yes. I feel guilt for Kate's death, Ari was after me after all. And also I feel guilty for forgetting Jen's day. Do you feel it too ? '' Gibbs asked and looked up.

'' Of course. It was my mission to protect Jenny, but I failed, I wasn't with her. I should have listened Ziva, but I didn't. And how could I forgive myself for forgetting Kate's death, '' Tony said looking down.

'' You need a drink ? '' Gibbs asked.

'' A multiple, '' Tony said.

'' How does bourbon sound ? '' Gibbs asked.

'' It sounds good, '' Tony said.

'' Bourbon, basement, boat, '' Gibbs said.

'' I'll grab my things, '' Tony said.

Gibbs went back to his desk, took his stuff and walked to elevator with Tony. Stepping into, he slapped Tony.

'' Thank you boss, '' Tony said.

'' I promised Kate, '' Gibbs said.

Tony gave a slap on Gibbs.

'' I didn't promise Jenny, but you deserve it, '' Tony said.

Gibbs nod.

They both could smile, but neither of them did that. There was another feeling inside of them, that was called guilt. There was 2 kinds of guilt in both of them: one for letting down a colleague and another for forgetting the loved one's death day. And now going together to drink bourbon to ease the pain, make the guilt go away. Also to hit themselves, to punish for the things they did. To fight with the guilt and also let it take control over themselves. To deal with the guilt that is inside of them, has been for last 5 years at some point.


End file.
